I am a little dragon

A very thin book but filled with words that really touch u deep inside.

It really open my eyes and heart after i read that book. How foolish I was grieving on something that not even worth thinking. I'll share a few points i took from that book for my fellow friends. May this will help u get out of ur unending misery.

Rasulullah S.a.w said:

All his affair are good: when he is touched by ease and affluence, he is thankful, and that is good for him, and when he is touched by suffering he is patient and that is good for him.

*Be thankful in good situation and patience in bad ones

*Content and satisfy with what Allah has decreed.

*Firmed ur heart and always be calmed.

* Prepared yourself, for better or worst.

In Surah An-Nisa 104.

If you're suffering hardship, they too are suffering similar hardship; but you hope from Allah that which they hope not.

Al Anfal - 46

And be patient. Surely Allah is with those whore are patient

*Sincere to Allah and always seek his reward

*Occupy yourself with a activities; preferably knowledgeable.

The only cure to forget the cause of your sorrow and misery is to occupied yourself with normal activities.Always concern yourself with the affairs of the present. Stop being anxious about your future or grieving over the past. Strive for what will benefit you and seek the help of Allah and do not be anticipated. And if something afflicts you do not say 'IF i have done such and such, such and such would have happened'. But say this, this is the decree of Allah, He does what he wills. This is because 'IF' opens the act of syaitan. Accept what came to you and surrender to Allah.

Al-Ra'd-28

Without doubt, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction.

Rasulullah S.a.w said:

Look at those below you (in worldly positions) do not look at those who are above you; that is more befitting for you not to hold the favours and blessing of Allah on you with contempt.

*Remove the things that bring about grief and acquire those that bring about happiness.

*Forget the unpleasant things that have passed and has no power to bring them back. Knowing that occupying your mind with them is meaningless.

*Don;t worry over the future, don't pay attention to illusion of poverty, fear or other unpleasant things you are imagining. Because what u imagine will descend on you in the future.

Remember, everything is in the hands of Allah alone. You have no control over it.

Go and accomplish what will benefit you in the future and ward off harm from you.

Doa Rasulullah s.a.w-

Ya Allah, make my religion, which is my strength and invincibility, good for me; and make my world; wherein my livelihood, good for me; make my hereafter, which is final abode, good for me. And make my living increase for me in all that is good, and make my death a repose for me from every ill.

Ya Allah, it is Your mercy that i have hope in, so do not leave me to myself even for the blink of an eye, and make good my affairs, all of them; there is no God worthy of being worshiped but You.

These are till chapter five. I didn't write another 4 chapters cuz it's basically of how to go on with what you have now. It's more or less common sense and be thankful.

I thank to Allah and to the words in this book for totally wiped off all my misery and all the grudge i hold for how many years i can't even tell. The mocks, fitnah and other bad things that i received from people. Totally blown by the wind. As for people who still badmouth me and god knows what else you will do. Go on and do it, I dare you. I have Allah, my parents, my family and people who sincerely love me. You are worth nothing to me. This is just 'duniawi', you can win here, but not after you've died.

Only me, mum n dad are at home today so there were nothing much to do, except lots of cakes for me to bake.

stand fan

living hall fan :D

and now i'm bakiing~!

so hmm, while waiting for my cuppies, i'm gonna tell u guys my dilemma as a baker/patisserie. wanna know why? becauuse i'm highly allergy to most of the ingredient i use..lol...like how i survive huh? that's why i don't eat the product i made or people made that much. cuz 1-2 times i was in grave pain n that's enough for that hahaha! still i love pastry making :D

what i'm allergic to?

-baking soda = can make my lungs swell

-i'm lactose intolerant = swells too

-creamwell = itchiness n puffy face..lool

-groundnut = give me 3 nuts n acne will pop immediately

-chicken..yes chicken = itchiness

n more which i am too lazy to list down..the worst thing to happen is i can't even eat my chocolate more than 2 pieces! OMG...i can only feast my eyes..huuuhuuu..

oh well, baking is still my passion ♥ here's my websie for my cake house http://www.wix.com/afifahcakehouse/order

i'll update the websie soon enough when i have the time :D

I've watched a great documentary about life and positive thinking. I love psychology and seriously this subject is very good to learn. It helps u knowing urself n others better :). positive thinking can have life-changing results such as increased wealth, health, and happiness. believe me it's true. all you have to do is be positive and tell yourself everyday what do u want in ur life, not what u don't want. but ur WANTS. praying and asking is the key. when we perform our prayer, we will ask god for forgiveness, better health n more wealth. why not we just be in that state all the time. being positive and think of what we want, what we wish for, n when, where, how. be precise so that your mind will automatically set the input n will tell the universe of what u want. :)

i've learned a lot in this 22 years but i'm still at a very low level of knowing myself, this world n beyond. i sometimes wish that i would be 17 again and set my life accordingly. but that's impossible. so i have to redo all that 5 years of waste and make it a fruitful outcome. Though an hourglass can be turn around every time the sand finish flowing down, we can't turn our life time like that. what we can do is use every grain preciously. if we had missed our 'turn', it's ok, life goes on. try to learn from every mistakes that we do n others too.

to all teens or adult out there, don't waste ur time with useless things. enjoying one's life has a limit. what's the use if u keep on enjoying but u're dead broke? save what little money n time u have. being 19 or 20 isn't "too early" or "still young". it's a stage that you have to start a serious life NOT time to get serious with life. always plan ur life and visualize what u will be in the next 5 years. i've visualized myself and i feel that i've lost so much years. I'm catching up with what i've wasted. i do miss hanging out and all but on the other hand, i have to settle the problems and have my own income n steady lifestyle. then i don't have to worry about splurging n going here n there. most importantly i DO NOT trouble/burden my parents with my pleasure+leisure time.

it's time for us to make them happy and relax. My dad was 40 n my mom was 37 when i was born. Now i'm 22 and they are retired, i'm glad n happy to be with them all the time. Living with them made me understand how it feels running a family. it's hard n challenging. I'm thankful to god n my parents for everything they gave me all my life and i think what they gave me is enough, it's my time now to return the favor. my hourglass is still 3/4 full at the top and that is not enough for me. dear allah, please prolong my life and give my parents the best health, do give us a prosperous blessed life. amin. :)

If u listen on the radio or any media there are songs about being 'perfect'. Songs like Perfect by Simple Plan and F**king Perfect by P!nk really tell that u can't be 'perfect' in anyway cuz you are who you are and you are perfect as a person you are right now. So girls and boys out there, especially teenagers don't think you are ugly or fats or not 'cool' and all. Be yourself not someone's shadow :).

When i recall my teen-age I never followed anyone or any 'style', I was me and i had a good teenage life. I don't care if boys didn't woo me or had eyes on me or I don't have a 'group'. Because you don't need it, they will come to you. When you are being sincere and not wearing any mask, the aura or vibe around you will make people attracted to you. They can feel the sincerity that you have and that you are 'cool' being you. You don't have to be a 'plastic' or biatch. Be a human please.

Sometimes it's not us who find these troublesome matter, the problems find us. Comparing, peer pressure, parents, siblings and much more. From my past experience it was hurtful and sometimes you will feel like it's the end of the world or you were thrown into an abyss but it is NOT. With your negative thoughts you open a huge gate for people to dictate you. Remember, it's your future and it's you who's gonna SUFFER or be pleased. It's not THEM, it's YOU. Of course you have to listen to what people wanted to say, whether it's a compliment or a critic just listen. Take what's good and ignore the gibberish. We listen but we don't follow except rules -d 'uhh- and yes we have to listen to our parents but we do have to use our brain on what should we do or avoid.

When people have high expectation on you, it really stress out. In any way you can't be perfect in anyway. Some might says the geniuses are able to do so. 'He/she is able to do it, he/she excels in sports and academics'. But look at them, how's their life? Not their lifestyle but their life. are they happy like a person their age supposed to be? Do they actually 'have a life'. We always heard people say 'uf get a life dude!' Analyse what they mean by that or step out of that thick wall. All in all be a good human not some rebel or less-humane. OK?

I'm 22 and I feel so old when my cousins or 'little brothers/sisters' ask me or share their story about their agony. hahaha. I love listening to the, cuz it's amusing hehe and of course i will help or advice if i'm able to do so. teen-age is such an immature-fresh era in everyone's life. this is where you trying so hard searching for your identity. It's full of struggles and the 'rebellious' age is around 16++ where you won't listen to your mom and always hurt her feelings. heh. you just can't help it but try not to. apologise to her if we hurt her feelings cuz it's bad to make your mum cry :)

Above all do not forget our god, doesn't matter what religion you are we've been taught from small that we have to be thankful of what we have, foods, shelter, looks, and everything. We must pray and do good things, ask for forgiveness because sometimes we never realised we had done something bad to people or anything. And do forgive people but don't forget, i'm not trying to be evil but everything that happen every second is a lesson to us. We learn from every mistakes that we did or from others. Never criticizes someone, instead take what happened as a reminder.

Start planning your life now, it's ok if suddenly we diverted our future plan. As long as you have plan of what to do in the future. Don't be a drifter, walk on the ground and straighten your road. If you met an obstacle or more find a way out or an alternative. As for me, I wanted to be an engineer when i was 12 but in the end Arts interest me more. I can stand reading and analysing literature or draw/paint for ours than be in a lab doing some science work. hahha. It took me 7 years to realise that Science stream is not for me because deep in my heart I have a passion towards baking and artistry. :D. Yes i struggled to get what i want to do but in the end i'm satisfied~! Nothing is easy n nothing is impossible~! Be happy and be positive. If you are in university or college, take psychology subject especially positive psychology. it is really gooood for you mind. Oh and have a good life like One republic songs Good Life.

Some people ask me how do I make my cakes/pastries so delicious, I don't know how to answer cuz i just follow the recipe and use good ingredients. Maybe because I love baking and I sincerely bake the cake for the person who order them plus when i'm doing them I wanted my cake to be delicious and especially for the person who's eating them. May they be happy and smile when they eat my cakes/pastries. I would be worry if my product didn't become like what i wanted.

Mom would wonder why I took all the bizzare order that require more times especially in 'drawing' the icing. I just simply said it's fun! I love to draw~!! :D:D

Baking makes me happy and I'm happy when my cakes/pastries make people happy. ♥

Done with blabbering I should go wash myself & get to sleep!!! muahx!

side note I don't include in too deep about religion because it's for general :) thank you

Nowadays smart phone(SP) is in trend and most of young ppl around my age uses SP.

In my case, well i do want a new trendy-up-to-date-complicated-too-many-apps phone buuuut

my cute phone is my 1st mobile phone n still alive till today. I don't care bout the appearance of my phone cuz i could never find other phone which can endure multi-times tortured made by me.

what i meant by 'tortured' is countless falls, sat on, missing, thrown, the housing-experiment (d bling² moments), when i get irritated i'll let it go with crushing my phone in my palm and the worst being eaten by my nephew/niece (yes, it was soaked with baby's saliva many³ times but i make sure to sterile it afterward) . hahahahaha!! despite aaaallll the hardship it went through, it's still alive tho went to a repair once(i think it went comma after too many concussion ._.) and many times this tough guy tried to escape me...i always lose my phones when i'm at home. -phone, do u really hate me?-

aannyyyway~~ that's what makes me stick with this one till it can't be repaired anymore..miahahahaha!! i wub u ♥ oh oh it's beeen..almost or more than 5 years i think.

my tough guy :D

did this thingy on FB n the result is 100% accurate~

according to element(d.o.b) I'm fire~~

this one more like 90%~

i'll just highlight what's accurate :P!

According to d.o.b

because i'll never know when i'll ever meet them again.

Why would I rather be alone?

because I don't think i could be there for them when they need me, eventho i wanted to b there.

Why i seem snobbish?

because our friendship will just remain as a name in the end.

Why I don't join a 'group'?

because I don't want to be left behind.

Why I don't have many close dear friends?

because i'll end up hurting them.

because it's not easy to meet up with them.

Why I ignore u sometimes?

because I hate giving hope n false plan.

Why I'm being mean?

because I can't always be there to pamper you

Why I don't make friends?

because it will make me miss them..a lot

Why would i do that?

It's rather 1 person hurt than 2 or more.

I feel like a balloon. Pumping air in every day till it's stretched to the max. What will I do if it's going to blow? I'll just cry my heart out. I feel like a lunatic trapped in a pretty box. My companion is a stuffed teddy bear. I need someone to talk to. Am i kidding myself, noone would listen freely or just be there. It's better to talk to a wall...I hope i won't get high blood pressure at this age....sometimes it's better to be mute or hv no feelings..yes? oh if anyone looking for a psychotic girl role, hire me, serious..i would do good :).

Pink-Perfect...i wonder if someone would ever say that to me. I would feel better.

we freed the chick n sat w it n she/he ate the food. it's so cute. yellow n round n faaat~~ haha.

so i took her n put it on my palm, luckily he/she didnt poop on me. i just cope it gently n she/he fell asleep on my palm. i was like d'aaww u must b lonely huh. so i name it Chikin n i assumed it's a she ._.~ haha. when i put her back to the ground cuz i wanted to find a basket for her, she suddenly disappear. i heard chikin calls loudly but nowhere to be seen. then i look below she was at my feet, phew gladly i didnt move. i took a careful step n she followed haha, it was very adorable. so i took her again n i brought chikin inside n showed to ayah. so we rearrange her 'home'. i found a lil basket fit for her, put some cloth around her bed so she would be warm. it was a sort of cozy house for her. (she didnt struggle or chirp loudly anymore). i left her there n after a few hours. her food pouch(i dunno d exact name) was stout. n there were poopies everryyywhere even on her bed. pfft -_-. i stroke her for a while n left her. then she started to chirp again...i told dad n he laughed about it..so i hv a new baby to look after now..hihi..

here's chikin..she's cute right?

it's like a real life drama huhu..i totally ♥ Hyun Bin! he's very good at acting!! aaaa~~ :D!!!

love love love it!! secret garden ost r very touching! especially 'that man'. the lyric really touched d deepest place in ur heart!! if a man sing that song to me sincerely..i think i would cry while hug him huhu. ( of cos that man has to b some1 i love at the same time lol!) n reason's song by 4men is just aaahh~~ ♥

ciao~~

sometimes i feel regret to come back to m'sia too early n not live w mama n ayah till i'm ready...

but it's no use to say stuff like that....the tears escaped..sigh..

now i'm pampering all the roses i can find around the house. I even kidnapped a few from along's house. heehee..i realised (from my perception) that the more beautiful a rose is the more thorny and dangerous she would be. (just like a lady, the more delicate she is, the harder to get) :P

the one that gave me 4 scratches on my fine hands. :(

last week i had this urge of baking cupcakes and do some decoration practice. I made almost 70 cupcakes (choc moist n butter). By the time i wanted to do the decoration half of it was eaten by everyone, haha. some of the design, i am very lazy to upload all the pics.

I made 2kg chocolate moist cake the next day but this time i used chocolate fudge frosting as the layer, not using ganache. In 5 days it's finito~ I also tried egg tart recipe and it was a success

i found few plain white blouse in the closet so i ended up doodling on them.

from this:

to this:

There were a lot we can do in a week. this week would be gardening week ;)

Mama bought Teddy for me when I was in Qatar. When I saw Teddy sitting along with other bunch of teddies, he just captured my heart and I just grabbed him and show it to mama. Since then i treasured Teddy very much and he is my sleeping companion ;3. I always bring him along if I have to move & stay anywhere else. Except when i went to Putrajaya, Teddy was left at home, he was sad but he met Cutie bun-bun ;).

Cutie bun-bun was a gift from my friend on my birthday. Though she looks like a pirate bunny but actually Cutie bun-bun loves baking, reading novel, sewing and dancing. Despite her petit figure, Cutie bun-bun is a furious bunny when she's angry. :O

Aren't they just cute together? Teddy said Cutie bun-bun is too adorable that he wished to hug her 24/7. Cutie bun-bun replied with a grin~~ hhahaha!!

here goes:

I went to the toilet and left my book, when i enter, cutie bun-bun was reading "Mmmm..chocolate" recipe book.

she said she wanted to bake muffin for her bunny friends. Cutie bun-bun was too concentrate reading the book.

Then, i look over the bed and Teddy was lying comfortably while reading 1001 cupcakes.

he told me he wanted to eat cupcake badly and made his too cute teddy face :3.

I continue writing the recipes and suddenly Teddy wanted to help. I told him to write them well.

They were too excited rummaging through every books and i told them off. So Teddy, Cutie bunbun n Mashimeme went up to bed and happily looked through the books. When i turned around, they were all sound asleep and seems like Mashimeme was drooling on the cake picture.

At last, i took a nap myself n dreaming bout cakes wonderland~~ sleep well my lil minions~~

HAHAHHAHAHA!!!! that was fun~~ :P

i'm re-writing the recipes that i've collected. i wanted to make egg tarts but need to buy the mould first. hmmm...i wanna bake something. dad told me last night that if i'm too obsess with baking then bake a cake for him on the 19th of every month. mom laughed miserably so did i. well dad, i'll bake if u want to but don't complaint when your weight goes up~~

today i sort out my bedroom(again) and aaalll the treasures in the room. whatever is useless i just throw them away (mostly papers). surprisingly this time i managed to totally clean the room. no more ship wrecked :D!!! despite a few baby spiders climbed on me, the room was not that 'ancient'. no dead geckos or cockroaches mean my room is still clean haha!

my fever seems to start again ugh....due to that, dad won't allow me to go anywhere till i am well enough.. /sad!! :(

i made congee for (supposedly) lunch but when i finished cooking it was 5 p.m!! no wonder my stomach was grumbling like mad!! was looking at kitchen aid's website n yes i was drooling (literally). i want them T_T!!! so does mommy haha..

on wednesday morning i couldn't take it anymore, can't even swallow fluid. i even cry in pain when i drink, sob². so by lunch time mum went upstairs n check up on me, she went frantic about my throat n the next thing i realised, i was in the car on the way to the hospital. as usual dad is the one who's worry goes beyond the normal limit (that's what makes me love bout u dad, huehue). went to DEMC and the doc check, i had tonsillitis n fever at the same time. He refer to Putrajaya Hospital since 'they' said Putrajaya Hospital's ENT department is one of the best. I waited at the emergency clinic with dad, i got to lean on him ( haaaa ;D) [i'm not father-complex!!]. The paramedic took my blood n i totally hate that part, like extremely hate it!! cuz my veins r small n it's quite hard to find it. it took him some time to do so n my blood was so stubborn to flow out. (hahah)

after that we went to the ENT department n wait for my queue. the doctor made the check up n all n resulting in teary eyes for a few times, she was lucky i didn't kick her (she's good but it was painful). the doc decided to admitted me n on we go to the ward~~ i was place in surgical ward and all the other patience went through operation except me. hihihi. the nurses are nice n caring. :)! the only complication was my IV gave lots of problem. it seems that my blood clotting rate is too fast n whenever IV was at halt, it will clot a.s.a.p. on the 3rd day my IV won't go through and rejected the anti-biotic. it was so painful that i wish i could throw the IV with it stands out of the building hahaha. the nurse took off my IV that night cuz the needle is not in my vein anymore n my hand was puffy. huk3!!!

aaah, the worst night ever was the first night, i couldn't sleep at all. the doc told me to swallow my saliva n drink lots of water cuz my temp stayed 38.8-38.9 from the morning till late at night. i kept on coughing n in a grave pain. Crying was no use, i just waant my mama at that time. whenever a nurse visit or whatsoever thing came i would be half conscious and the image was vague. i was able to answer n do things but when i truly wake up i don't remember. @_@ scary. my agony subdue after a few shots of antibiotic, 4 IV bottle n 1 large bottle of water being gulped forcefully. T__T!!! after lunch i was able to swallow with less pain n i could walk around. my temp went down to 38. mom & dad came everyday :D! angah & family, ateh, bg.jat n d lil minion too. giat friends came n also teddy :3.

it was indeed a not-so wonderful start for new year xD!! my voice still muffle and my mood is still like yo-yo. when i wanna do something that required a bit of hard work dad will immediately told me off. :(! i can't even cycle my bike. due to my stubbornness i did cycle :P and resulted in short of breath and light headed that night. i received a long lecture from daddy :(! even this morning i wanted to help around the garden, he only allow me to water the plant ~.~

afterwards, the only thing i do was, sat on the gazebo eating...banana, talking to a...lazy-eyed frog...oh i feel so pathetic. hahahha!!!

the good outcome of me staying in the hospital is my -normal human being- body clock is back to normal. i wake up early, i would be hungry by 7.30am, 12.30 pm and before 8 pm. if i didn't eat on time i will b having gastric. =.=!! mom was delighted hahaha! so every morning wanted or not i have to wake up and eat something~~ after 9pm or so i won't be able to eat anything. water consumption...3 liters per day ;O! i'm a walking water tank, who want's some ;3.

ooo, i've downloaded aaalll E.S Posthumus album (finally). previously i only have Unearthed album now i have all 3~~ E.S Posthumus is one talented band, they are GENIUS! sadly, the 3rd album Makara is the last album :(. because of Franz death, Helmut decided not to be active anymore. huuu. I love E.S P cuz their music express so many emotions and it's unique~!!! I could listen to them many² times and will never get boored~~ Nara was the first song i heard and since then i hunted down E.S P~ hehe. Makara is indeed another splendid collection, Listen to Manju and u just feel like smilling~~ :D

2 weeks of whining and struggling with my viral fever, this is the most tormented moment.

mom came into the room n said : "wanna sell them?" ...he..he..i wish mama...

oh new year i don't feel anything cuz i already celebrated awal muharram~~ ;)