I am a little dragon

*may contain a few explicit words*

I feel like ranting.

A sudden thought crossed my mind of 'when did my fucked up life actually stop or start?'

I look through my old blog which contain most of the events that i myself had forgotten n reading back the beginning of my cuurent blog. From what i see my cursed up life stopped around January 2011 and started again buy November 2011. Well, the freak-headache-heart wrenching-wanted to commit suicide issues calmed down after January 2011. After being submitted to the hospital, everything seemed alright. If i'm not mistaken the stupid event that happened because some moron were so jealous of my greatness happened around June-July. The hell to them, I don't give a damn bout them other than wishing them to feel the wrath of betraying me. Sheesh i still hope those fucking hags die in some shit pit or something. Those two witches are the only person in this world that I will never wish for any goodness to come by, I will cursed them and their kin for eternity.
Anyway, since Nov 2011 the problem rise again and it was not my fault this time. I was merely the victim that has no where to go and involve in the trouble. Aaaand after trying many2 things; being helpless didn't do much and I'm still suffering till now. The heck...

Of course i accepted the trials that I have to go through and I am thankful for many things that were great to happened. Especially my parents accepting the only man other than my dad that i deeply head over heels with. My love towards him is indescribable that I could write a book about him. But his goodness & charms are for me alone to know and I will never share with anyone of his traits, characteristic & quality that actually  most man lack off. ;)

Back to ranting: sooo, here i am thinking and wondering. When will i get to walk a decent clean straight path and when can i escaped from theeeseee? I know I'm still not good enough to received such wonderful living (i guess) since i am still not a good person yet. Thank you little voice in my head for thinking like that...

Sometimes i think i;ve gone mad...i even talk to myself; not out loud of course. Hmm I think because of all the shits that happened for the past 5 years had made my brain quite insane and my heart cold. I think if i don't have my cats with me since last year, I would wake up late at night n kill some random people without realising.

I realised I lost huge amount of respect towards people that had hurt me. I still can face them and talk to them..but it seems that i gradually care less and don't give a fak bout their well being. You live or u die, i think i'll only shed a temporary tears. God, how angry am i right now that my brain are chanting 'die, die, die' towards few faces..

Mom..i think i need to stay in the hospital again..hahaha.

No, I'm not crazy. I just write whatever my brain thinks right now. Cuz truthfully I don't like sharing my story individually towards anyone..I can only share my troubles with my God and my living teddy bear. But i still keep some to myself. I don't go out much except when i'm going to buy my cat's food and poop sand or when my living teddy bear come back to KL. Soo as u can see, my social life had reduced to a very small circle, maybe a dot. I stayed at home with 3 cats (now), my parents & 2 bettas n 1 turtle. I'm an introvert and I will feel like puking when I'm surrounded by crowds. Still, I'm happy being carefree(it may seem like carefree, but i don't think so..heh).

Blogging takes the heavy weight in my brain off. When i type, i just imagined these 'cancer' that engulfing my brain n heart passed through my finger n land on this screen. I just blabber what ever I want. I don't care if people wanna read or not. Blog is just a place for me to let go what inside of me that sometimes i wish i can shout out loud. Doing so made me less stress. If people want to be judgmental about it. Go ahead, I don't have the right to stop you. If after you read my blog, ur perception towards me changed..I regret nothing, cuz this is who i am. I may look and act like kid; in fact I can think logically better than a 30 yr old.

Now my post are getting even more random. Every paragraph doesn't sync anymore. oh well, what ever.

Another thing that I do not understand. Why on earth do some numb nuts love to make me angry n fed up? Are they a masochist? do they like me cursed at them and being mean? stop making me becoming meaner every moment. Don't built up more tension that will make me make u cry like an idiot....

Haaaah, human...grow up! i think i better sleep.