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Apr 14, 2016

Don't u think that it is much better to just sleep forever than losing memories?

Mar 20, 2016
it's 5.58 am and I haven't sleep at all. Guess it's too late to wish happy new year since it's already March 2016..well 11 days more and it will be april..plus 3 more days then i'll grow a year older. *sigh*

despite all that, i've left USJ and decided to stay with parents instead..they matter more. 
I do miss a few things, places & people over there, especially Mr.SS. On december last year, well 3 months ago, I got engaged *grin* yep, yep, fifa's engaged~~ 2 months of heartbroken, emptiness and loneliness. I stumbled upon a 6 feet 3 inch-broad shoulder-rugby flanker (i think)-not so romantic-as weird as me-guy. It all started with food, notice board & masking tapes. (LOL) Hours of non stop chatting, sharing the same ideas & facts. We both agree that we came from the same planet. 1 month of 'basket carrier' to 'i think i like you' changed to 'i think i love u' to finally 'should we get married?'.

I can still remember the day you came to the office and i open the door for you..yes my neck stretch all the way to look at your face..i still have to look all the way up to speak to you, even now, my height just gave up long time ago. I just love the fact that i'm less than 5 feet girl have you as my shelter + bodyguard + basket carrier..hehe. Months to go till we can officially be together. :D

It's 2016 and I pray that all the unfortunate events will be replaced with more fortunate ones.

I dunno what to write nymore.

Jun 23, 2015
Two months passed and cepat sangat time jalan. To be exact, today dah 2 bulan and 10 days I moved to USJ. I can still remember the first day I moved to casa and mama ayah came all the way from S.Petani to help me. Sekarang dah 2 bulan..wah. It's a weird feeling when you have a space inside of your heart; a special place. At the same time, I am scared. Scared that the same thing will happen where my love will be taken for granted. Ricardo once told me that I am too kind and that one day I will go Boom! Well my dear, I've 'boomed' countless time and I am still as kind as I've ever been. The one weakness of myself is that I cared too much and it seems I can't throw away this cursed trait.

Last week, early June, we went for a Camp; company related. It was a memorable experience. Something yang dah lama tak lalui and I actually miss teaching kids haha. 
I cook on my own now, ntah ape-ape resipi la I create. All western/Chinese cuisine style. I forced myself to gulped down more vegetables and no spicy oily food. Thank you jugak to my body for suddenly start to allergy dekat semuaaa lah. Chicken is totally out of the picture now, sampaikan hyper ventilate bila makan chicken. Not just that my face totally naik septic spot yg besar n pedih bila makan chikin! chikin is my enemy now! even chicken eggs T_T" so these past 2 months mmg tak masak anything with chicken, except last 2 weeks during camp terpaksa makan jugak chicken, mmg terbaaikk the side effect. My face and internal is still recuperating from the camp. Ah, I cut my hair..now i know why I love keeping my long hair, because when i cut to shoulder length; i look like when i was 18..the memory..rieess..my god..oh well tak pe la at least I know despite being 26, I still look the same 8 years ago hahaha. 

Haritu I had quite a long talk with kak ana about me...somehow the path yang selama ni I was seeking for the right way dah nampak the lorong. I will save up this year, 6 months more to be exact and will start the part time course next year..klau next year still single pun ok jugak haha because to be honest I am scared to let anyone enter this vacant space in my heart UNLESS he really really is the one (dah jodooh). Don't know la, I'll just pray for the best. I am happy the way I am now, what i want are my cats and parents..I want to see my babies. I know diorang sangat bahagia living with mama and ayah but 4 years ago if ayah didn't allow me raising them, i think i will be in mental asylum or 6 feet under..I can't wait for raya holidays as i want to hug my babies all day/night long.

Alas, I am saying goodbye to bakery again, well maybe not for good. I started enjoying cooking and still going Frankenstein with sewing. Sampaikan siap nak imagine cook for my hubby n all. Like whaaaat fifaa?! haha..This year ramadhan sendiri2 and it was ok though i missed sahur banyak kali jugak la. too lazy to get up whiiich is not good at all. I need to get up and eat sahur properly or else later on badan naik.

Office matter, everything's fine. I just do my jobs n tasks n ignore what can be ignored. Lessen my kindness towards helping unnecessarily. The impulse to quit after 6 months is no longer there, well...65% gone. I would be lying if I say 100%. Sometimes I am a little disappointed with what I am doing, sometimes I do not see the point and sometimes i feel so little. Maybe it was just me who felt that way, maybe others see me in a great position. Oh well, I should be thankful and shouldn't complaint much. Nothing comes easy in our life, this is the beginning of everything that's right? 2 months ago I wonder why god send me here and somehow I am starting to see the outcomes. :)

May 17, 2015
Things happen for reason.

That is what I always tell myself when somethings were not in my favour. Yesterday, I read my posts from the beginning. There, i realised ever since 2012 the ship started to crack and sinking..slowly. I was the one who still holding on to it and still try to sail to our destination. Then after 2 years I was floating alone in the vast sea still hoping that someONE will rescue me and yet for a year I was there all alone. I guess my subconscious mind had had enough and gave a good beating to my heart that I decided to just end it. My heart was silent and didn't protest much. I did not cry nor throw any dispute. I was calm, normal and by being that way my parents were worried. Haha. I was proud of how strong I've become. The one thing that I kept holding on, striving to make it happen, to proof to the people (that I hate) that I will show you what it's worth. But...butt. Yes, all  kind of curse words are coming out of my thorax like vomiting after you went on a crazy roller coaster ride.The amount of time, sacrifices I made, tears, mentally & physically effects I went through were wasted like poop. I am not some kind of a pet that will sit there waiting for my owner to come home and be entertained. Screw that! I don't know what kind of 'condition' that needed so that we could be together forever. Even if she said no no, you as a man should be more assertive and stand your point. It is not like you can't afford, all this while we have been through thick & thin and I believe you knew me well with my ability to adapt and survive. When I sat down and think again, you are too complacent with where you are now. I guess having me in your life who superbly considerate & tolerate made you feel safe and you obviously do not want to leave your comfort zone. I appreciate everything that you've helped me, trust me no one in this world (so far) could ever replace your kindness towards me and I hope all this while the feelings and sincerity were genuine. When I made the decision to let go of this thinning rope, I would not recall any of the best memory/ies we had. I try and try to remember again but it seems that my heart won't respond. Without any doubt i let go of the relationship that I hold dearly for 6 years with my life at stake. Come what may was the only words inside my head at that time. You seem composed replying to my messages but i believe that you weren't.

Then another hard decision need to be made when an opportunity came knocking on the door. A job offer in the central region. If i take this offer, I will say goodbye to my current life. It was a tough decision. Daddy says no at first, for 3 months they kept on asking me. On April I woke up and think; the heck I need a new setting, new journey and new environment. Mama supported me with the idea of taking the job she even told me to be more 'social' and take a look at the outside world. It was tough for me to part with my babies. Many negative thoughts crossed my mind but I have to leave them with my parents. Within 2 weeks everything prepared and it was my first time leaving my parents' sanctuary after these few years. I bid farewell to my 'cave' to my babies and my parents. I stayed with my sister for the first week. Oh..i cried like a baby on the first 2 days of working; 1 because i miss my babies, 2 I was devastated and regret of why I chose to work here and in this position (lol), 3 I want my 'cave'. But i kept on being optimistic. On the 2nd week I found a suitable place to stay and it's a nice apartment. My housemates are all friendly,clean n considerate. The landlord is wonderful, extremely helpful n super friendly. I feel comfortable talking to him. In the office, everything's fine only some time it triggers me to be such a selfish bitch but i suppressed that personality. Day to day things are going well in the office, i started to do a lot of task and it's actually fun. Whenever people ask me about how's my job going on? The only word that I can relate to is FUN. I am having fuuuun and it's actually entertaining(?) lol. No matter how tired i am and I have to walk/run around in the office but I like it. I enjoy doing my tasks & whatnot. haha

Ah I met him on the 1st week I moved to the central region. It was a little awkward. before, whenever I see him i'll jump and will smile as wide as i can but at that moment i'm just like err hi......we were fine for a while then the moment of truth, i just wanted to let go of whatever i'm holding in and blurted out my feelings. aaaand that was the last time i cried regarding our matters. I knew he was still in denial state but i am sorry i can't take it anymore. It was too late to get it all back. We still keep on contacting each other because we've been the best of friends for the past 7 years. :)
Some ask me whether I am looking for a new relationship...hold it. My kind of relationship is not just to happily in a relationship but never think of the end. If you want to be with me, what's your purpose? To just have me as your girl or to make me your wife and take care of me as my religion says of how to do so. Welp, my answer is Yes of course I am still looking for my destined/fated man buuuut my heart is scarred and scared that she will be taken for granted again. I remember the discussion i had with mum where I think I'd rather date a guy older than me but mama said age doesn't effect the maturity of their mind, it's the exposure they had. So I was like hmm ok but I still feeel like looking for an older man.lol. then mama added more by saying find an orphan so you don't have to think much about the mother's problem. I was like 'mamaaa, seriously?' she shrugged..oh dear mama, I love you so much. She ended her motherly talk with a hug and said that just pray for the best and a great one will come. "Of what you are now, dunia & akhirah is what he will be or if you're lucky he'll be much better." In daddy's case....he is concerned aaaall the way from sun to pluto! He is effing worried that my heart will go haywire and mindlessly looking for compassion...no father, I am adult enough to think straight, I am no longer what I was before plus I still have both of you to run to. If I couldn't find my husband here in the dunia, I will see him in the the Syurga :)

All in all...I am happily Neutral though I miss my babies & parents horribly~~~~~~
I wanted to write more in details but my brain is not in the mood.
Till next time. 
Jan 27, 2015
When I was 18 I was attacked by such horrible malicious pox. Well it was just a chicken pox but it was monstrous. Hahaha. I think I got that in Sharjah Airport when I was on my way back to Malaysia from Qatar. The pox was so mean that my face received the worst blow. Until now it left a reddish blemish that people always mistook them with acne scar. My face is not acne prone, only occasional monthly acne. All this pinkish red scars were from that horrendous pox T_T! Anyway, I've tried many products and it seems that my face is really fussy. I even stop caring bout it.

I did a post about skin care on 2013. Here's the How to have beautiful skin in a cheaper way by Afifah~~

I've used many so-called natural cleanser to medically approved bla-bla products. I stick to Hada Labo since the blemish type of cleanser actually works. Pretty slow but certain area completely heal. Good thing about Hada Labo product is that you only use small amount of the cleanser for each cleaning session. If you use too much, you will have a very tight and coarse skin later on. Many of my friends stopped using Hada Labo because of the first-time-use effect. If you have blocked pore or really acne prone skin, Hada Labo cleanser will bring out all of that and your face will be really ugleh. It's good though because all the dirtiness come out and soon it will dry out on its on. My acne reduce a lot after that ugly effect haha. The only thing I don't like about face cleanser is that they have this "whitening" effect. It looks so unnatural and I feel like my skin is thinning *gasp*.
the one that i use Deep clean & blemish control

After some experiment with my face and products, be it natural or not. I found out that you don't have to wash your face everyday if all you do is stay inside a building or not much of sweaty activities. Being a mild shut-in/introvert, i rarely meet mister Sun or goes out in public area. Thus, I only wash my face using a cleanser once a day. That is in the evening. When i wake up i just wash my face with cold water, repeatedly wash the cold water like 30+ times. Make sure to massage your face at the same time because when we wake up our gland kind of stuck and that is what make our face seems bloated.

My way of massaging/ washing face: At least 30 repetition.

Start from your chin area. Make a peace sign with both hands and star cleaning from the tip of your ear ( the two fingers in between your ears). Move both hands along your jawline towards the tip of your chin. Like a V shape. Do not go backward, lift your hands and start again from between your ears to the tip of your chin ALONG your jawline. Doing this will help defining your jawline and reduce that fatty double chin.
I've been doing this everyday 5x a day and surprisingly the effect can be seen in 3 weeks or so.
Here's a picture of the movement. I am an Aries, I love ram's horn and that hair looks like mine so yeah..:P

Photo copyright of the owner DAV-19

Next, we moved to the cheeks area. Always always go downwards when you wash/ putting on make up on your cheek area. Do not go up against the fine hair direction. Using your thumb and forefinger/ index finger/ the finger next to your thumb, cupped your nose. Rest and bend your fore finger on each side of the nose NOT on the nose, at it's side and your thumb holding on the jawline. (It's like you wanted to pinch your cheek kind of hand gesture) Move along the line of your cheek like a C shape but according to your cheek shape towards your jawline and down your neck.
Photo copyright of the owner DAV-19

When you are done with that, do the same style but don't bend your fore fingers. Just rest along the nose side and mooooove your finger towards your forehead the go on both side of your forehead doooown to your cheek-jaw aaand come back towards the tips of your chin.

Photo copyright of the owner DAV-19

While you are doing this some of you will burp and feel the blood rush around your face. Finish it of with hastily massage your neck downwards. After you're doing so you'll see that your face will brighten a bit or be a little radiant. It's because this movement towards your chin and neck actually helps draining the stuck gland and improved your blood circulations.

Another method that you can do is use the back of your hand, remember BACK of your hand NOT your palm. Keep on patting, just a light one on your under-chin area. Doing this will slowly eliminate the fats. 

If you do this with dedication, I believe you will see a majestic result within a month. 30x each movement per session 5x a day. Make sure to wash your hand and face first before you do this. DO NOT do this while your face is super oily or your hand been touching everywhere. Wash them first. Always avoid the area under your eyes. 

I hope this help because it did great for me! :D
I will write about vibrant skin - natural remedy later on. 

Such a bubbly sweet song. What everyone wish for with the one they love.

Tea for two.

When our days of youth have passed us by
All the kids and grandkids began to fly
Once again it will be you and me
Sitting barefoot beneath the shade of a summer tree


And we'll laugh at our wrinkly toes
our gray hair and my crooked nose
You'll look at me and I will look to you
and we'll make tea for two

And in the winter when it's gray and cold
You'll tell me stories as the day unfolds
And in the evenings I will sing to you
And we'll make tea for two

Na na na, na na na na, na na na

When our sheer good looks begin to fade
Wrinkled eyes, fake teeth are here to stay
Everyone around will think we're old
But to me you'll always be the one
I love with all of my soul


And we'll take walks along the Persian rug
We'll cuddle closely really warm and snung
You'll look at me and I will look to you
And we'll make tea for two

And in the winter when it's gray and cold
You'll tell me stories as the day unfolds
And in the evenings I will sing to you
And we'll make tea for two
Nov 15, 2014
A year gone by and i haven't write anything. I wanted to write many-many things but my fingers always stop halfway. Every post ended up as a draft. 1 year..365 days..feels like nothing. Nothing particularly change, except i moved out from that one place. my life, love life and everything else still on the right timeline where i left them a year and 2 days ago. Lots of events happen and of course none were/are a 'sweet'thing for me. I stopped baking due to some really heart breaking reason and i started sewing. to release my stress and boredom..I made and selling a pacifier clip or binky/soother leash so that baby's pacifier/binky/soother will not fall on the ground or went missing..it was highly in demand but i do not understand why some mothers seem like.."o ok". it is already in front of you and you're not buying it. mine is waaaay cuter than the one in some super branded baby shop which price is double than mine. I just don't get their logic. nevertheless, human are complicated.
enough with ranting. now i'm back to my hometown, well same state different city. Here i am far to the north. I've said goodbye to the central. i don't feel like going back there. hmm. my cats are well and increasing. babu, domo n popo are still alive and kicking. what's more..my sleeping pattern never changed for the past 6 years. still having problems with sleeping early. Mom asked me once whether my head hurts or not when i sleep till past 11am? I didn't answer, just smile. It's better to have headache than staying awake and realised that day to day nothing changed. people keep on hurting my feelings, my luck is still at level zero, my heart is still not fixed, the future kinda foggy. some says i didn't try enough, some says i'm not thankful and some even call me useless. be in my shoes and i bet you will want to jump in front of a truck every second...some says i'm strong and wanted to be as strong as me. no love..don't be like me. :) even the closest lineage sees me as nothing...a void human container. i am thankful because i'm still sane and breathing. despite everything be it past, present or future is continuously pricking my flesh..
maybe i've done many unforgiving deeds that my luck is really bad..maybe i've hurt people badly that i was hurt even worst..if i've ever do so..i'm asking for forgiveness...but as far as i remember i'm not a disrespectful piece of stool. i'm trying to live so please give me some slack.
as considerate and tolerate as i can be...i think that line is as thin as a thread now...
why must it be so complicated...such a tired game.
Nov 13, 2013
wednesday, 3.44 in the morning, popo is sounds asleep next to me. i'm listening to es posthumus; one of my favourite tracks to listen to when i'm blogging. tonight is the same like other nights. cold night and i can't sleep early. in my head, it feels like some kind of cold war going on. i don't know if it's stress or unsolved problem. more like both? above all, it's been more than a week this hateful feeling keeps on engulfing my heart..to be mad at him or even hate him is something i do not want to do. even though it is not entirely his fault but still it was his carelessness that this happen. although one might say it was a small issue but that small dot have taken the toll of doubting. the thing that i kept locked was released in an intense way. my whole nervous system and blood flows are filled with doubts. i used to tell others that once u have your doubt, do not proceed. in my case, it is not him that i have second thought. it was the other person. that person shook my heart to the point of me starting to despise h... him or her, i'll let you guess. i've come a loong way with blood, sweat and seas of tears to reach this point. where we both can be happy without being torn apart every minutes. then the doubt appeared, is it just me who felt that way? is this thing actually meant to be?

now my head is full of images where we're not walking down the same path. maybe these 1923 days were just trials for us to live as a better person, to care bout one another and to know what it is like having to protect another person. if that ever happen, will the others feel victorious? will they be satisfied because of what i fought for turn to naught? you said that i always over thinking, i tried my hardest not to. but some people love to trigger me of doing so. now they must be rejoicing because i am hyperly-over thinking about everything. even dad is super worried abut me not able to sleep and mom always tells me not to place myself in a tiger's den.

i push myself with many distractions but they did not help. instead, they gave me the idea of looking on the other side. i couldn't find the warmth that i used to feel when i think about you nor able to sheepishly smile when i glance at you. it doesn't even hurt my feeling when i say all these stuff but my eyes continuously leaking. i know i am the cold one, i am the cruel one. when you were treated this way by them, i didn't let you go. now i'm beginning to feel what you once felt. now i know why you hate them to the brim because i am starting to feel that way too.

all i ask is for someone who can take care of a precious piece of art that needs attention some times. where you need to wipe the dust out of it and where you will look at it and express your appreciation towards it.
i know you are in a tight spot but with only defeated excuses given to me makes me think that, if it's like this i don't know if you will ever able to hold hand in hand with me till our end. i certainly will hold yours no matter what because i know how it feels being us. that's why i will be as tolerable and considerate as i can be. the question now is, how about you?

she or he might see me as nothing worthy but i hope you know better.

i now realised it was my selfish demand wanting and dreaming of spending the rest of my life with you. this topic might have tortured you and thus it's better if this thinking being buried and never to mention ever again. the closer you are to me, the farther i feel you are. if my existence is just a bothersome to that person, might as well turn to our own road. yours is straight head whilst mine full off u-turns and blockades.

if you really want me then tell me so without remorse and not being angry. be someone that i fell head over heels with 1923 days ago. a cool gentleman that always made me feel warm and safe, a person that i know will never let go of my hands, a person that hates seeing me cry, a person that will tell me the clothes i wear is ugly, a person that will tease me till i cry and end up making me laugh, a person that will never allow other man check up on me, a person that spoil me and bring my inner child out, a person that make me laugh till i'm short of breath, a person that makes me smile ear to ear just by seeing you walking by, a person that i dream of walking side by side till i grow old, a person that made me turned blind towards other man..that person used to be so composed and cool, that person used to be blunt and brave, that person always walk with confident and never ashamed of himself. that person always care about his outerwear.

if i ever  hurts you in anyway or if all this times i'm being nothing but headache and huge burden, forgive me and i won't be angry if it's true. be truthful to me please...

if you understand this endless blabber of mine that you always call over thinking, if you read this long words that i know you so much hate long post. tell me so by asking me 'are you ok?' because love, i'm not...

sometimes the more this thing we have is drag along, the more space build between us....

if you know me well, you'll now why i'm being like this.

it's 4.39 in the morning and in my head is full with stranger's face.
Aug 16, 2013

Lol'ed at the title

After 30 days of waking up waaaay past 10-11 am. I successfully turned my face into a square shape and created 5 chins. amagaaaaad~~ but after 3 days of waking up before 9 am, my face is now an oval shape and the chin reduced to 2. hahahha! I love my body.

what's worst.due to the raya foods. All oily and full of nuts, my face was erupted by acne. The painful truth of being allergic to nuts/peanuts/groundnuts. :( Once mom even made a fried noodles using nuts sauce and then my face went nuts. T_T!!

Now i'm trying to reduce them back to normal again. hufhuf.

To achieve a smooth skin and normal body (i absolutely detest skinny slim body). There are simple remedies and steps that I should be doing and follow but too lazy. :D These remedies are based on experiences, experiments, own theories and some facts.

For moisture skin; have you ever know that when you rinse the rice(white), the first batch of that murky white not so sweet smell water is actually rich with some vitamins that i don't even want to explain. It's good for moisturizing your skin and will reduce wrinkles on your face or hands. What you have to do is, keep aside that water in a basin. After all the works are done, just splish-splash the water on your face and all over you hand. Leave it be. Do this for one month and you will see how baby like your skin is. For drastic use, put it all over your body. muehehehe. You can store them in a small jar and keep till night. Use it as moisturiser before sleep. If you're too lazy and damn rich, just buy SKII. :P
Another method to reduced panda eye and tired haggard face or to simply reduce your over expose pores. Just massage small cube of ice on your face after you washed your face though.
 Afraid to buy face scrubs or the good ones are bloody expensive? Easy..get a ripe tomato, sprinkle a bit of sugar aand splat them on your face. Rub here and there, like exfoliating. leave it juuuust for a min then rinse. Don't smartly use hot or warm water to wash your face. Use normal water or cold. You don't want your pores to be exposed all day long. Don't wash your face too many times. Your face will turn dry. Just wash once a day except if you spent more time outside. wash them right after waking up and after you got home. DON'T wash your face when you're sweating. Let your pore cool down or else you will invite small septic-spots. Imagine when you just ran 100meter extremely gasping for air and then suddenly somebody force you to immediately drink water. Your stomach will be painful right? That's just how your little pores feels like. (i use my own experience and theory :))

For a face mask; to remove small follicles and black/whitehead. Some people use egg whites and honey. Too much wastage. Instead, use gelatin and whole milk. Buy a packed dried gelatin, the smallest in the store and then the small box of whole milk (250ml). melt the gelatin either double boil them or microwave them. I prefer double boil them. When gelatin completely melt, add up the milk. Stir nicely (make sure you use steel/glass stirrer/spoon). Check if the mixture is at a lukewarm temperature. apply them on your face. If you can't stand the icky feel and smell. I suggest do the egg honey method. Remember when you wear mask, NEVER EVER apply them under your eyes area or on top of your lips. Leave the gelatin mask to dry up. Peel of and make sure it's the opposite side (chin-forehead). Your face will be reddish for the whole day, wash them down with cool water. If you have an event to attend, do this 3 days before.

For vibrant skin; drink lots of plain water..i drank minimum 2litres per day. I might be plumpy but my skin goes boing-boing like baby's butt. (;D). Drink water right after you wake up or after your morning wee-wee. Eat veggies!! I know they taste horrible but you have to eat them. Veggies or fruits are good for pooping too. Please be merciful towards your colon and eat some fibrous food. My routine (when i'm not lazy to step out of the house), buy a papaya and guava. they help for a good time in toilet and great vitamin c. Orange,strawberry and blablabla are too expensive and takes time to eat. For guava you just wash the skin nicely and munch aaall the way. Plus papaya is reaaally cheap and easy to plant. I'm not a fan of banana although banana is very good for your body and they help increasing serotonin (happiness hormone). 

For smooth-surface skin; DON'T EAT FREAKING OILY FOOD AND OVERLY SPICY FOODS. :D Because of the dirtiness in your stomach, your face started an acne war. Avoid taking super spicy oily foods. I used to love them but ergh i love my stomach more. I'm aware that most of malaysian's food are fried and spicy but try to reduced their intake and choose something much more healthy. Try to drink green tea (sachet not powdered) WITHOUT sugar and NOT with ice. Although my face looks reddish and seems like not that smooth, it's actually really-flat-smooth and no bumpy-dee-doo. I have white pale skin thus the acne scar stays reddish :(. 
Avoid make-up, especially concealer,foundation, cement, plaster o'paris and whatsoever. They are torturing your pores..sympathise your skin! I don't wear make up, not even eye liner anymore-too lazy to be staring at my eyeballs. All i use is baby powder (johnson&johnson blossom) and the Bedak Nyonya. It's like the geisha white block compressed powder. Let your skin breathe. If you are too embarrassed with all the red-yellow patches and uneven skin tone- that's quite hard to discuss about. Know that our cells are able to regenerate so in MY OWN theory, if you keep on suppressing the healing progress of the cells by adding more problem and suffocating them, your condition will only get worst.
When you sleep or doing nothing, don't cover your face or slammed your face on your pillow/mattresses. Remember your skin shed dead skin while you are sleeping and your hair release oily substance and full of small dirts (especially non-hijab person - no offense). Imagine all of that dirtiness joined together and you happily rubbed your face with them. EEWWW~!! Again, let your skin breathe.  

For wrinkles: Smile..lessen your frowning. As i mentioned above, use ice to massage your lovely skin in the morning.

Why Kirby? Cuz it's supa cute!
For whiter skin; If you're born fair and white skin and you are long exposed on the sun. Try to cover your skin under them. Give your skin some times to recover the burned layer. I easily get sun-burned and it's not fun when the skin dried up. When I go out i covered my skin and avoid direct contact with the sun-rays (umbrella, walked under the shade, thick clothes). We do need vitamin D that is from the sunlight. Do that early in the morning not in the afternoon. I don't believe in using sun-block, i don't trust the chemicals they put in the lotion. If skin burned, let it recover or cool it with fresh raw aloevera (extremely easy to plant). But you have to remove the prickly thorn by its side. Those are 'poisonous' ( i think so, because i'll get super itchy if i don't remove them) and remove the outer skin (one side only). Rub the inside of aloevera but do this when your sweats are gone. Let the aloevera juice dry and wash them (your skin will feel sooo smooth afterwards). Aloe vera is very effective on burn marks like you got burned from hot oil or fire. If you rubs aloe vera immediately on your burned skin (not sun-burned) trust me, no marks will linger.
If you're born with darker tone, your skin won't go any whiter than that. It's harsh I know, but love yourself. Some white-skin person wanted to be darker by tanning and some dark-skin person wanted to be whiter. Just accept who you are, it's already perfect that way. Just maintain what's given. Be aware that when you are not originally white and you are trying to whiten your skin aaand miraculously succeed, honey dear you just kill layers of skin on your face. Means that you are inviting cancer cells to grow. 

Most important remedy is, LOVE and APPRECIATE yourself. You are perfect as who you are now. 
Millions of ringgit was spend to make the prototype of a car yet some consumer add up unnecessary outer accessory that totally ruined the well-made calculation by the engineers. In fact all you have to do is just maintain the parts and go on scheduled services. Why do you have to spend unnecessarily?
Same goes for our body, just simply maintain them. :D

I know some will say i'm not that good looking or my face ain't that pretty or smooth or flawless yet i wrote a long ass blog like my skin is made of pearl. These are the knowledge that i have for taking care of our skin and i don't do them everyday. If i do, you would be jealous~~ ;)

I'll continue on the next blog about maintaining healthy good shape body NOT how to slim down your body and looks like model.
Jun 26, 2013
Others need a shoulder to cry on. In my case i have none. A keyboard to type on is not that bad plus you can hold onto it as long as you want. It had been a while since i visited my blog and post something. I wanted to buuut all i have is ranting. No sweet stories to tell. Today i feel like blogging due to some little bird asked me, 'hey fifa, why are you so different now?' and another masochist bird told me 'yuki, what happen to your compose n cold self?'. i asked them how different am i now? and was i cold to people? 

both birdies told me that i've turned gloomy and antisocial... me = *shocked*

was it thaaat obvious guys? :(. I thank you to both birdies who will remain anonymous for always being truthful and direct to me. Even though both of you live far far away from me, but when i talk to you i feel like you're right next to me. 

Their words lingered in my brain for 3 days especially when i'm taking a shower. Why during showering? because that is when my brain relax the most. it's somehow true. i used to be so cheeky i think...not that antisocial. i talked a lot and my head always held high..oh n i smile a lot, i rarely frown. quite active. i love gaming and chatting..but when i came back to malaysia, i've changed. :(

long ago i'm not the kind who will dwell with my past. I only look at the presents. I never keep memories. like souvenir or photos or such. Even when i'm living in qatar i don't take photos here and there so that one day i could tell the world that uuuu i lived here before. no offense to the people who suddenly feels offensive. any where i go i won't take 200 photos and show them up. I'll take some and keep the rest of it to myself. Just that a numb-nut used to not respect that privacy of mine and stole a picture and spread it all over. The only thing that i love to show off is my cats. Cats don't live that long and they make me happy. Even if they are licking their bottom, i still want to keep that moment cuz it's funny and cute. But whyy for the past 6 years i started to dwell with my past. I used to have 0 regrets in me. now i always wanted to turn back time or i wanted to wake up when i was 15 again. I used to not care bout people's feeling or what people might say, but now i freaaking care about it. why why why?

I'm listening to E.S Posthumus albums while writing this and somehow my brain can work perfectly and i can even type faster. *boasting* hahaha. Somehow their music make me stop thinking about my worrisome life and my heart n tiny voices will shut up. 

continuing my ranting. Just when i think that things will turn out okaay. Sh*t happens. I even lost the will and interest of baking. *gasp* yes! finally i said it!! uhuh, i have no interest in baking anymoooore. I might regret saying this now but pssh i have lots of other regretful thing to care about. Baking used to be such an enjoyable activities, i would be so happy when i bake; decorate and seeing the satisfied face of people who ate them. But now i hate it. I have so many knowledge of baking but when i bake, i'm like an empty shell. I don't even have the heart to make them. Even the simplest cake seems like a sea sponge to me though others said it's delicious and looks good. I don't feel satisfied at all. Everything seemed wrong. 

My procrastination level are at the highest now, i can even transcend to become a high level procrastinator. Nothing interest me anymore save that cuddling with my cats. Not that because i'm turning lazy or anything. I have too many things in my mind to think of. Even when i sleep my brain will keep on thinking and turned them into a dream. which resulting a fine killer headache when i wake up. I used to be such a cry baby, anything goes beyond my limit will make me cry. but now, i don't even feel like crying nor care bout the stress that building. Because the other miserable stress are lining up waiting to be entertained. 

As Oscar Wilde said 'One's real life is often the life that one does not lead'. I can relate to that. When dad told me to do what i want and being happy about it. I have a list and i already know what i want the most. Yet, i have doubt in that decision. At some point i feel like i wanted to live on my own with my cats. Everyone is saying that i'm still relying on my parents, i'm already old and i'm not 10, telling me to get the hell out and stop troubling my parents, that because of me my parents can't go here and there, and many more that i feel like saying; shut the f*up cuz i know all that. you don't have to tell me. I ABSOLUTELY know that. but u're not living in my shoes so u don't know what i'm going through. i even told dad n mama that when they are around i'll be lazy and i'll be 100% dependent. I even propose living on my own with my cats. At first they were fine with it but then dad changed his mind..he won't let me go. He said that i'm still his responsibility till i'm married and knowing that i'm far from him and he can't see me will make him worry all the time. I told him even if i stay next to you and being a complete bum? He said it's alright, even if all i wanted to do is sleep and eat. *double shocked* mom's the opposite though. I'm out of my wit. 

When i listen to my old playlist and the old musician that i used to listen to. I miss dancing. I miss engulfing in their goosy-bumpy beats. Oh i'm talking bout B-boys like music and contemporary dance music. I love to dance, i love flower arrangements, i love designing clothes. I used to enjoy being in theater club and acting. I used to have vast imagination, i used to writes and i even structured a book that i wanted to write. Being a poop in luck i lost that file and was destroyed when my PC turn bitchy. I formatted my cpu and the one i saved as back up was corrupted.  :(

Now i'm extremely undecided and i don't know what i want anymore. What am i going to do now? All bunch of whats are building up in me. I can't even sleep peacefully without having a random jumbled up visions. Thank you keyboard for being there and allowing me to type on you. :)