I am a little dragon

As usual, i was mia. too many things happened n mostly it was heart wrenching haha. 6 months feels like a day. i'll b graduating on the 30th of December. it won't be long till i say goodbye to that place. i will treasure my friends who stayed with me all this while despite my 'unpredictable' attitude and i will definitely despise people who did things that break my heart/ anger me. 'best friend' my shit, go die! erghhh..

hah, after like 3 months of classes without breaks finally dpt jugak cuti. without realising puasa dh habis, skejap sgt sebulan. this year raya dpt beraya w mama ayah at m'sia n everyone blk. ;)

helooo~~i have lots to say but too little time plus no mood of blogging. hmmm~~ many things happened both bad n good. My last actual post was on May, that's like 3 months ago..wow. haha!

I know i haven't update for months, too many things happen~~~ i'll do it on the next post (maybe)

I've been doing nothing at home for about 1 month+. Need to work this lazy ass off and I started doing t-shirt business :D!!! i was surprised dad gave a green light when i told him bout this dotty idea. haha. Mom tho, was a bit curious of how am i going to print d design. many thought that i do the iron on shirt thingy. but no no my friend, i draw them on the shirt :D!! so far i've done 7 t-shirt in 3 days and i have 4 more to be done. still waiting for more order ♥ !!

I've cme to the limit where i hate looking at my fat body -_-!

6.30am-7.00am : Subuh Prayer

7.00am-8.00am: Cardio exercise

8.00am-8.30am: Breakfast/relax

8.30am-10.30am: Gardening/Play outside

10.30am-12 noon: Shower/relax

12 noon-2.30pm: Zuhur/Lunch

2.30pm-4.30pm: Dance a bit/ read books

4.30pm-5.00pm: Asar

5.00pm-6.00pm: Relax

6.00pm-7.30pm: Gardening

7.30pm-8.30pm: Shower/Maghrib

8.30pm-9.30pm: Dinner/Tv

9.30pm-11.30pm: Relax/Isya'

SLEEP!!!!!

Aujourd'hui c'est moi qui grandis

which means 'Today, it's me who grows up.' With everything that's going on around my world at the moment, i feel like I'm the one who's growing older and older with the way of thinking. Everyone is going backward, they became more and more like a child. I don't mean to be self-righteous but that's what i see and hear. Sometimes all of this made me feel so frustrated. ...now i don't know what else to write in here..

I've been occupying myself with whatever things i feel like to do or not to do. I started to dig n listen to gothic rock/metal music again. Mostly the symphonic ones, i can't stand the one with shout/scream lyrical. I would listen to:

are the manga that i've read and waiting for the next episode argh..what makes me wanted to write bout them is simply because of the hero...yes..the cute/handsome/pretty reliable purrfect hero is always the factor :D

Kuroshitsuji :

Summary

everything is done with the uni and i am a free woman. i feel soo stress free *exhaleeee*
now i'm at home having so much to do ( supposedly helping mom n dad deal with all the unpacked stuff) and yet being doing nothing, except sleep and eat. haha. oh dont forget fighting with qeyla. I've been listing things to do for this very long break that for a year i didn't get to have more than a month. that's very heartwarming but brainkilling. above all the most important think i need is a car for easier movement since i don't want to burden dad with driving. i don't hv confident myself but when will i practice n rely on myself? another thing is the wanting of making cakes/cupcakes/cookies n such but i am too lazy to dig in the mountainous boxes outside under the porch. i was so high spirited to find mom's mixer (one fine day) but when i step outside, standing with both hand at my waist and looking at aaaallll the boxes. i feel like a big fat fluffy panda on my shoulder, how the heck can i find that little thing in this huge pile, i might get myself lost in it. so dream of making a cupcakes goes down the drain(atm) i've been wasting utilising my time with reading, yes i read...mangas.. :D. what saddened me is..all the mangas that interest me n i've read all of them are incomplete. so i have to wait for the next episode. that's like waiting for a baby to be born. yes, to that extend. the bed tho, is very tempting. even if i sleep till my head can't take it anymore sometimes it even shout 'hoi lazybum wake up!!' i still ignore the scream of agony. it freaking hurts when u overslept. with the summer heat (does m'sia hv summer?) that's resulting in me taking bath more than twice a day at HOME is a miracle. sometimes i dont even bother to take a bath so early in the morning at HOME, oh wait, i dont wake up early in the morning at HOME. haaha. even when i wake up at 10am is such a phenomenon to the household. i'm not lazy just taking things slow..hahaa.
i am waitng for the interview and the intake of my newly self-interest course, the confectionary n bakery. hopefully i'll get in (insyaallah). a 6 months course n 3 months practice. after that i have too many plans in my head. i evn started to draft (in my head) the shop layout..hohoho..
another thing i wanted to do is...work.. during the holiday. was thingking of alamanda since shah alam is not that far buuut to go back n forth from home is a big problem for me, because it's waste of time n fuel. i don't know yet, dad seems like half-hearted bout that plan. i know if i stay at ateh's house, both of them would be alone at home :(
it's a tough decision. i sound like some businessman making a hard decision. but it is for me. anyway, why can't they move to putrajaya instead :D. oh well, i think mom's coooking something tonight. that is rare. kak cik is on the way home, ON THE WAY. lol, no offence but they r slow. i can't wait to see both arina n arissa. aaww i miss imran. i miss his fats. haha. hmmm daddy was planning on going to putrajaya this week. yeay i can see imran n i can pinch his well stuffed fats. :D.

toodles.

We couldn't even measure the weight of our tears..if i counted the years back, it's been 7 years that i've seen all these ugly dramas...when will it end? being the last one is like being the black sheep. i've watched n heard everything that sometimes i feel it's better to shut this ears n eyes. there's unfairness, resentment, jealousy, selfishness, hatred, betrayal and revengeful...
what did we do that it became like this? what's gone wrong?

i miss to see a sincere happy face n i miss to laugh n smile with them wholeheartedly...

not a really happy month of the year..tho it's my birthday but it's been nothing since few years back. as far as i can remember...i always cry n feels so down on my birthday..n this year would be the 3rd year of it...sometimes i wonder when i can cry out of happiness? i'm 21 but i'll never get treated like one...tho my wish came true, i was able to escape ucsi. but i wasted 1 year of NOTHING there...screw d uni. i've been home for 2-3weeks. went to settle the withdrawal. it does take quite sometime to really settle it off. just give me sometimes n we can move on with it..sheesh...i don't hv transportation n i even have to pack my stuffssssss from the hostel on my own. up n down the lift on my OWN! it's been the same since i moved in notts..no one was so freaking free to take me home..i still remember going back home w taxi w all my stuff..n always moving in on my own...when i get to b independent on my own n i'll b off track then everyone was so freaking free to bother bout my life...sucks..for 20 years of my life i was a girl who will nvr swear except screw u, or go die or stupid/moron. but i've passed my limits n all d dirty words escaped my mouth, w no censorship.
my body ache, my heart feels so heavy n my eyes sting...i dont know for what reason i feel this way because it's always been this way..always n perhaps forever......

I only have u that i can trust and understand me as a whole. Everytime i call u out, i will cry..i always afraid that my voice wont reach u. sometimes i've forgotten about u, when i am facing u, i would cry like a little baby, i would reach my hand for urs so that i could stand again. i wanted to be guided to the right path. u gave me many things, sometimes i forgot to be thankful. When i ask for ur help, u nvr stop helping me, u show many things that would open my eyes. but my cry nvr reach them. i have not yet put all my effort to voice my heart out. all i need is u to help me through. u're everything..ya allah..

it's easy to find ur happiness but it is not easy to b happy...

i've found mine but i know it wont last long not even more than a week. i cn nvr achieve my happiness when d ppl i rely on nvr understand me. i nvr care bout their personal business but they mind mine. how cn i live my life w my own happiness?

i really love dancing, despite my 'senget' right feet ( i just realised it became senget yesterday o.o)
i'm happy when i can dance n all~~ really happy. i do it more patiently than my assignments. even when i'm sad, stress or at a very bad mental state, when i dance it takes it away. i just sway n be with the surrounding. engulf into the music n be free with all the burden. ;) that's my passion..

another passion is that i wanted to make cakes, cookies, n everything to do w pastry. i wanna make a beautiful n cute cake. but nvr hv d chance..........

i used to be passionate when it comes to drawing but i stopped after coming to m'sia, cuz i dont hv my own space....

i love flowers, i used to read n try to memorise every flowers meaning. i also wished that i could open a flower shop someday. being around flowers n their sweet scents calm u n it makes u feel beautiful. it's very soothing even when u're sad....

A lovely song i found today while listening to most kattun songs. Precious One. My junno cried!!! T__T!!!