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Nov 13, 2013
wednesday, 3.44 in the morning, popo is sounds asleep next to me. i'm listening to es posthumus; one of my favourite tracks to listen to when i'm blogging. tonight is the same like other nights. cold night and i can't sleep early. in my head, it feels like some kind of cold war going on. i don't know if it's stress or unsolved problem. more like both? above all, it's been more than a week this hateful feeling keeps on engulfing my heart..to be mad at him or even hate him is something i do not want to do. even though it is not entirely his fault but still it was his carelessness that this happen. although one might say it was a small issue but that small dot have taken the toll of doubting. the thing that i kept locked was released in an intense way. my whole nervous system and blood flows are filled with doubts. i used to tell others that once u have your doubt, do not proceed. in my case, it is not him that i have second thought. it was the other person. that person shook my heart to the point of me starting to despise h... him or her, i'll let you guess. i've come a loong way with blood, sweat and seas of tears to reach this point. where we both can be happy without being torn apart every minutes. then the doubt appeared, is it just me who felt that way? is this thing actually meant to be?
now my head is full of images where we're not walking down the same path. maybe these 1923 days were just trials for us to live as a better person, to care bout one another and to know what it is like having to protect another person. if that ever happen, will the others feel victorious? will they be satisfied because of what i fought for turn to naught? you said that i always over thinking, i tried my hardest not to. but some people love to trigger me of doing so. now they must be rejoicing because i am hyperly-over thinking about everything. even dad is super worried abut me not able to sleep and mom always tells me not to place myself in a tiger's den.
i push myself with many distractions but they did not help. instead, they gave me the idea of looking on the other side. i couldn't find the warmth that i used to feel when i think about you nor able to sheepishly smile when i glance at you. it doesn't even hurt my feeling when i say all these stuff but my eyes continuously leaking. i know i am the cold one, i am the cruel one. when you were treated this way by them, i didn't let you go. now i'm beginning to feel what you once felt. now i know why you hate them to the brim because i am starting to feel that way too.
all i ask is for someone who can take care of a precious piece of art that needs attention some times. where you need to wipe the dust out of it and where you will look at it and express your appreciation towards it.
i know you are in a tight spot but with only defeated excuses given to me makes me think that, if it's like this i don't know if you will ever able to hold hand in hand with me till our end. i certainly will hold yours no matter what because i know how it feels being us. that's why i will be as tolerable and considerate as i can be. the question now is, how about you?
she or he might see me as nothing worthy but i hope you know better.
i now realised it was my selfish demand wanting and dreaming of spending the rest of my life with you. this topic might have tortured you and thus it's better if this thinking being buried and never to mention ever again. the closer you are to me, the farther i feel you are. if my existence is just a bothersome to that person, might as well turn to our own road. yours is straight head whilst mine full off u-turns and blockades.
if you really want me then tell me so without remorse and not being angry. be someone that i fell head over heels with 1923 days ago. a cool gentleman that always made me feel warm and safe, a person that i know will never let go of my hands, a person that hates seeing me cry, a person that will tell me the clothes i wear is ugly, a person that will tease me till i cry and end up making me laugh, a person that will never allow other man check up on me, a person that spoil me and bring my inner child out, a person that make me laugh till i'm short of breath, a person that makes me smile ear to ear just by seeing you walking by, a person that i dream of walking side by side till i grow old, a person that made me turned blind towards other man..that person used to be so composed and cool, that person used to be blunt and brave, that person always walk with confident and never ashamed of himself. that person always care about his outerwear.
if i ever hurts you in anyway or if all this times i'm being nothing but headache and huge burden, forgive me and i won't be angry if it's true. be truthful to me please...
if you understand this endless blabber of mine that you always call over thinking, if you read this long words that i know you so much hate long post. tell me so by asking me 'are you ok?' because love, i'm not...
sometimes the more this thing we have is drag along, the more space build between us....
if you know me well, you'll now why i'm being like this.
it's 4.39 in the morning and in my head is full with stranger's face.
now my head is full of images where we're not walking down the same path. maybe these 1923 days were just trials for us to live as a better person, to care bout one another and to know what it is like having to protect another person. if that ever happen, will the others feel victorious? will they be satisfied because of what i fought for turn to naught? you said that i always over thinking, i tried my hardest not to. but some people love to trigger me of doing so. now they must be rejoicing because i am hyperly-over thinking about everything. even dad is super worried abut me not able to sleep and mom always tells me not to place myself in a tiger's den.
i push myself with many distractions but they did not help. instead, they gave me the idea of looking on the other side. i couldn't find the warmth that i used to feel when i think about you nor able to sheepishly smile when i glance at you. it doesn't even hurt my feeling when i say all these stuff but my eyes continuously leaking. i know i am the cold one, i am the cruel one. when you were treated this way by them, i didn't let you go. now i'm beginning to feel what you once felt. now i know why you hate them to the brim because i am starting to feel that way too.
all i ask is for someone who can take care of a precious piece of art that needs attention some times. where you need to wipe the dust out of it and where you will look at it and express your appreciation towards it.
i know you are in a tight spot but with only defeated excuses given to me makes me think that, if it's like this i don't know if you will ever able to hold hand in hand with me till our end. i certainly will hold yours no matter what because i know how it feels being us. that's why i will be as tolerable and considerate as i can be. the question now is, how about you?
she or he might see me as nothing worthy but i hope you know better.
i now realised it was my selfish demand wanting and dreaming of spending the rest of my life with you. this topic might have tortured you and thus it's better if this thinking being buried and never to mention ever again. the closer you are to me, the farther i feel you are. if my existence is just a bothersome to that person, might as well turn to our own road. yours is straight head whilst mine full off u-turns and blockades.
if you really want me then tell me so without remorse and not being angry. be someone that i fell head over heels with 1923 days ago. a cool gentleman that always made me feel warm and safe, a person that i know will never let go of my hands, a person that hates seeing me cry, a person that will tell me the clothes i wear is ugly, a person that will tease me till i cry and end up making me laugh, a person that will never allow other man check up on me, a person that spoil me and bring my inner child out, a person that make me laugh till i'm short of breath, a person that makes me smile ear to ear just by seeing you walking by, a person that i dream of walking side by side till i grow old, a person that made me turned blind towards other man..that person used to be so composed and cool, that person used to be blunt and brave, that person always walk with confident and never ashamed of himself. that person always care about his outerwear.
if i ever hurts you in anyway or if all this times i'm being nothing but headache and huge burden, forgive me and i won't be angry if it's true. be truthful to me please...
if you understand this endless blabber of mine that you always call over thinking, if you read this long words that i know you so much hate long post. tell me so by asking me 'are you ok?' because love, i'm not...
sometimes the more this thing we have is drag along, the more space build between us....
if you know me well, you'll now why i'm being like this.
it's 4.39 in the morning and in my head is full with stranger's face.
Aug 16, 2013
| Lol'ed at the title |
After 30 days of waking up waaaay past 10-11 am. I successfully turned my face into a square shape and created 5 chins. amagaaaaad~~ but after 3 days of waking up before 9 am, my face is now an oval shape and the chin reduced to 2. hahahha! I love my body.
what's worst.due to the raya foods. All oily and full of nuts, my face was erupted by acne. The painful truth of being allergic to nuts/peanuts/groundnuts. :( Once mom even made a fried noodles using nuts sauce and then my face went nuts. T_T!!
Now i'm trying to reduce them back to normal again. hufhuf.
To achieve a smooth skin and normal body (i absolutely detest skinny slim body). There are simple remedies and steps that I should be doing and follow but too lazy. :D These remedies are based on experiences, experiments, own theories and some facts.
For moisture skin; have you ever know that when you rinse the rice(white), the first batch of that murky white not so sweet smell water is actually rich with some vitamins that i don't even want to explain. It's good for moisturizing your skin and will reduce wrinkles on your face or hands. What you have to do is, keep aside that water in a basin. After all the works are done, just splish-splash the water on your face and all over you hand. Leave it be. Do this for one month and you will see how baby like your skin is. For drastic use, put it all over your body. muehehehe. You can store them in a small jar and keep till night. Use it as moisturiser before sleep. If you're too lazy and damn rich, just buy SKII. :P
Another method to reduced panda eye and tired haggard face or to simply reduce your over expose pores. Just massage small cube of ice on your face after you washed your face though.
Afraid to buy face scrubs or the good ones are bloody expensive? Easy..get a ripe tomato, sprinkle a bit of sugar aand splat them on your face. Rub here and there, like exfoliating. leave it juuuust for a min then rinse. Don't smartly use hot or warm water to wash your face. Use normal water or cold. You don't want your pores to be exposed all day long. Don't wash your face too many times. Your face will turn dry. Just wash once a day except if you spent more time outside. wash them right after waking up and after you got home. DON'T wash your face when you're sweating. Let your pore cool down or else you will invite small septic-spots. Imagine when you just ran 100meter extremely gasping for air and then suddenly somebody force you to immediately drink water. Your stomach will be painful right? That's just how your little pores feels like. (i use my own experience and theory :))
For a face mask; to remove small follicles and black/whitehead. Some people use egg whites and honey. Too much wastage. Instead, use gelatin and whole milk. Buy a packed dried gelatin, the smallest in the store and then the small box of whole milk (250ml). melt the gelatin either double boil them or microwave them. I prefer double boil them. When gelatin completely melt, add up the milk. Stir nicely (make sure you use steel/glass stirrer/spoon). Check if the mixture is at a lukewarm temperature. apply them on your face. If you can't stand the icky feel and smell. I suggest do the egg honey method. Remember when you wear mask, NEVER EVER apply them under your eyes area or on top of your lips. Leave the gelatin mask to dry up. Peel of and make sure it's the opposite side (chin-forehead). Your face will be reddish for the whole day, wash them down with cool water. If you have an event to attend, do this 3 days before.
For vibrant skin; drink lots of plain water..i drank minimum 2litres per day. I might be plumpy but my skin goes boing-boing like baby's butt. (;D). Drink water right after you wake up or after your morning wee-wee. Eat veggies!! I know they taste horrible but you have to eat them. Veggies or fruits are good for pooping too. Please be merciful towards your colon and eat some fibrous food. My routine (when i'm not lazy to step out of the house), buy a papaya and guava. they help for a good time in toilet and great vitamin c. Orange,strawberry and blablabla are too expensive and takes time to eat. For guava you just wash the skin nicely and munch aaall the way. Plus papaya is reaaally cheap and easy to plant. I'm not a fan of banana although banana is very good for your body and they help increasing serotonin (happiness hormone).
Avoid make-up, especially concealer,foundation, cement, plaster o'paris and whatsoever. They are torturing your pores..sympathise your skin! I don't wear make up, not even eye liner anymore-too lazy to be staring at my eyeballs. All i use is baby powder (johnson&johnson blossom) and the Bedak Nyonya. It's like the geisha white block compressed powder. Let your skin breathe. If you are too embarrassed with all the red-yellow patches and uneven skin tone- that's quite hard to discuss about. Know that our cells are able to regenerate so in MY OWN theory, if you keep on suppressing the healing progress of the cells by adding more problem and suffocating them, your condition will only get worst.
When you sleep or doing nothing, don't cover your face or slammed your face on your pillow/mattresses. Remember your skin shed dead skin while you are sleeping and your hair release oily substance and full of small dirts (especially non-hijab person - no offense). Imagine all of that dirtiness joined together and you happily rubbed your face with them. EEWWW~!! Again, let your skin breathe.
For wrinkles: Smile..lessen your frowning. As i mentioned above, use ice to massage your lovely skin in the morning.
| Why Kirby? Cuz it's supa cute! |
For whiter skin; If you're born fair and white skin and you are long exposed on the sun. Try to cover your skin under them. Give your skin some times to recover the burned layer. I easily get sun-burned and it's not fun when the skin dried up. When I go out i covered my skin and avoid direct contact with the sun-rays (umbrella, walked under the shade, thick clothes). We do need vitamin D that is from the sunlight. Do that early in the morning not in the afternoon. I don't believe in using sun-block, i don't trust the chemicals they put in the lotion. If skin burned, let it recover or cool it with fresh raw aloevera (extremely easy to plant). But you have to remove the prickly thorn by its side. Those are 'poisonous' ( i think so, because i'll get super itchy if i don't remove them) and remove the outer skin (one side only). Rub the inside of aloevera but do this when your sweats are gone. Let the aloevera juice dry and wash them (your skin will feel sooo smooth afterwards). Aloe vera is very effective on burn marks like you got burned from hot oil or fire. If you rubs aloe vera immediately on your burned skin (not sun-burned) trust me, no marks will linger.
If you're born with darker tone, your skin won't go any whiter than that. It's harsh I know, but love yourself. Some white-skin person wanted to be darker by tanning and some dark-skin person wanted to be whiter. Just accept who you are, it's already perfect that way. Just maintain what's given. Be aware that when you are not originally white and you are trying to whiten your skin aaand miraculously succeed, honey dear you just kill layers of skin on your face. Means that you are inviting cancer cells to grow.
Most important remedy is, LOVE and APPRECIATE yourself. You are perfect as who you are now.
Millions of ringgit was spend to make the prototype of a car yet some consumer add up unnecessary outer accessory that totally ruined the well-made calculation by the engineers. In fact all you have to do is just maintain the parts and go on scheduled services. Why do you have to spend unnecessarily?
Same goes for our body, just simply maintain them. :D
I know some will say i'm not that good looking or my face ain't that pretty or smooth or flawless yet i wrote a long ass blog like my skin is made of pearl. These are the knowledge that i have for taking care of our skin and i don't do them everyday. If i do, you would be jealous~~ ;)
I'll continue on the next blog about maintaining healthy good shape body NOT how to slim down your body and looks like model.
I'll continue on the next blog about maintaining healthy good shape body NOT how to slim down your body and looks like model.
Jun 26, 2013
Others need a shoulder to cry on. In my case i have none. A keyboard to type on is not that bad plus you can hold onto it as long as you want. It had been a while since i visited my blog and post something. I wanted to buuut all i have is ranting. No sweet stories to tell. Today i feel like blogging due to some little bird asked me, 'hey fifa, why are you so different now?' and another masochist bird told me 'yuki, what happen to your compose n cold self?'. i asked them how different am i now? and was i cold to people?
both birdies told me that i've turned gloomy and antisocial... me = *shocked*
was it thaaat obvious guys? :(. I thank you to both birdies who will remain anonymous for always being truthful and direct to me. Even though both of you live far far away from me, but when i talk to you i feel like you're right next to me.
Their words lingered in my brain for 3 days especially when i'm taking a shower. Why during showering? because that is when my brain relax the most. it's somehow true. i used to be so cheeky i think...not that antisocial. i talked a lot and my head always held high..oh n i smile a lot, i rarely frown. quite active. i love gaming and chatting..but when i came back to malaysia, i've changed. :(
long ago i'm not the kind who will dwell with my past. I only look at the presents. I never keep memories. like souvenir or photos or such. Even when i'm living in qatar i don't take photos here and there so that one day i could tell the world that uuuu i lived here before. no offense to the people who suddenly feels offensive. any where i go i won't take 200 photos and show them up. I'll take some and keep the rest of it to myself. Just that a numb-nut used to not respect that privacy of mine and stole a picture and spread it all over. The only thing that i love to show off is my cats. Cats don't live that long and they make me happy. Even if they are licking their bottom, i still want to keep that moment cuz it's funny and cute. But whyy for the past 6 years i started to dwell with my past. I used to have 0 regrets in me. now i always wanted to turn back time or i wanted to wake up when i was 15 again. I used to not care bout people's feeling or what people might say, but now i freaaking care about it. why why why?
I'm listening to E.S Posthumus albums while writing this and somehow my brain can work perfectly and i can even type faster. *boasting* hahaha. Somehow their music make me stop thinking about my worrisome life and my heart n tiny voices will shut up.
continuing my ranting. Just when i think that things will turn out okaay. Sh*t happens. I even lost the will and interest of baking. *gasp* yes! finally i said it!! uhuh, i have no interest in baking anymoooore. I might regret saying this now but pssh i have lots of other regretful thing to care about. Baking used to be such an enjoyable activities, i would be so happy when i bake; decorate and seeing the satisfied face of people who ate them. But now i hate it. I have so many knowledge of baking but when i bake, i'm like an empty shell. I don't even have the heart to make them. Even the simplest cake seems like a sea sponge to me though others said it's delicious and looks good. I don't feel satisfied at all. Everything seemed wrong.
My procrastination level are at the highest now, i can even transcend to become a high level procrastinator. Nothing interest me anymore save that cuddling with my cats. Not that because i'm turning lazy or anything. I have too many things in my mind to think of. Even when i sleep my brain will keep on thinking and turned them into a dream. which resulting a fine killer headache when i wake up. I used to be such a cry baby, anything goes beyond my limit will make me cry. but now, i don't even feel like crying nor care bout the stress that building. Because the other miserable stress are lining up waiting to be entertained.
As Oscar Wilde said 'One's real life is often the life that one does not lead'. I can relate to that. When dad told me to do what i want and being happy about it. I have a list and i already know what i want the most. Yet, i have doubt in that decision. At some point i feel like i wanted to live on my own with my cats. Everyone is saying that i'm still relying on my parents, i'm already old and i'm not 10, telling me to get the hell out and stop troubling my parents, that because of me my parents can't go here and there, and many more that i feel like saying; shut the f*up cuz i know all that. you don't have to tell me. I ABSOLUTELY know that. but u're not living in my shoes so u don't know what i'm going through. i even told dad n mama that when they are around i'll be lazy and i'll be 100% dependent. I even propose living on my own with my cats. At first they were fine with it but then dad changed his mind..he won't let me go. He said that i'm still his responsibility till i'm married and knowing that i'm far from him and he can't see me will make him worry all the time. I told him even if i stay next to you and being a complete bum? He said it's alright, even if all i wanted to do is sleep and eat. *double shocked* mom's the opposite though. I'm out of my wit.
When i listen to my old playlist and the old musician that i used to listen to. I miss dancing. I miss engulfing in their goosy-bumpy beats. Oh i'm talking bout B-boys like music and contemporary dance music. I love to dance, i love flower arrangements, i love designing clothes. I used to enjoy being in theater club and acting. I used to have vast imagination, i used to writes and i even structured a book that i wanted to write. Being a poop in luck i lost that file and was destroyed when my PC turn bitchy. I formatted my cpu and the one i saved as back up was corrupted. :(
Now i'm extremely undecided and i don't know what i want anymore. What am i going to do now? All bunch of whats are building up in me. I can't even sleep peacefully without having a random jumbled up visions. Thank you keyboard for being there and allowing me to type on you. :)
Mar 18, 2013
I do every single thing with utmost sincere. I tried my hardest to not hurt your feelings with my words. I do not mind to sacrifice for your sake. Yet, as the 'last' will always be appreciated as the 'last'...sometimes i just wanted to ask why am i being treated differently? Am i just a big burden for you or you just take me in because i'm part of your responsibility?
Sometimes i wonder why do i have to be born n live......yes i'm jealous because for decades the favoritism never change...actually the situation n treatment didnt change, I am the one denying it..
Sometimes i wonder why do i have to be born n live......yes i'm jealous because for decades the favoritism never change...actually the situation n treatment didnt change, I am the one denying it..
Mar 1, 2013
Let's take a moment and imagine this:
What would happen to us when our beloved parents died.
Now close your eyes and think.
Open you eyes.
List down what we've said & done towards them that might hurt them even the matter as small as virus.
When you're done, when you have the chance go and hug them.
Even if you think that you never been rude to them, just apologise. Don't wait for 'raya' as death wait for no man.
As to those who made my parents cried, frustrated, hurt, & heartbroken. I hate you and cursed an eternity of misfortune towards you.............
Feb 13, 2013
*may contain a few explicit words*
I feel like ranting.
A sudden thought crossed my mind of 'when did my fucked up life actually stop or start?'
I look through my old blog which contain most of the events that i myself had forgotten n reading back the beginning of my cuurent blog. From what i see my cursed up life stopped around January 2011 and started again buy November 2011. Well, the freak-headache-heart wrenching-wanted to commit suicide issues calmed down after January 2011. After being submitted to the hospital, everything seemed alright. If i'm not mistaken the stupid event that happened because some moron were so jealous of my greatness happened around June-July. The hell to them, I don't give a damn bout them other than wishing them to feel the wrath of betraying me. Sheesh i still hope those fucking hags die in some shit pit or something. Those two witches are the only person in this world that I will never wish for any goodness to come by, I will cursed them and their kin for eternity.
Anyway, since Nov 2011 the problem rise again and it was not my fault this time. I was merely the victim that has no where to go and involve in the trouble. Aaaand after trying many2 things; being helpless didn't do much and I'm still suffering till now. The heck...
Of course i accepted the trials that I have to go through and I am thankful for many things that were great to happened. Especially my parents accepting the only man other than my dad that i deeply head over heels with. My love towards him is indescribable that I could write a book about him. But his goodness & charms are for me alone to know and I will never share with anyone of his traits, characteristic & quality that actually most man lack off. ;)
Back to ranting: sooo, here i am thinking and wondering. When will i get to walk a decent clean straight path and when can i escaped from theeeseee? I know I'm still not good enough to received such wonderful living (i guess) since i am still not a good person yet. Thank you little voice in my head for thinking like that...
Sometimes i think i;ve gone mad...i even talk to myself; not out loud of course. Hmm I think because of all the shits that happened for the past 5 years had made my brain quite insane and my heart cold. I think if i don't have my cats with me since last year, I would wake up late at night n kill some random people without realising.
I realised I lost huge amount of respect towards people that had hurt me. I still can face them and talk to them..but it seems that i gradually care less and don't give a fak bout their well being. You live or u die, i think i'll only shed a temporary tears. God, how angry am i right now that my brain are chanting 'die, die, die' towards few faces..
Mom..i think i need to stay in the hospital again..hahaha.
No, I'm not crazy. I just write whatever my brain thinks right now. Cuz truthfully I don't like sharing my story individually towards anyone..I can only share my troubles with my God and my living teddy bear. But i still keep some to myself. I don't go out much except when i'm going to buy my cat's food and poop sand or when my living teddy bear come back to KL. Soo as u can see, my social life had reduced to a very small circle, maybe a dot. I stayed at home with 3 cats (now), my parents & 2 bettas n 1 turtle. I'm an introvert and I will feel like puking when I'm surrounded by crowds. Still, I'm happy being carefree(it may seem like carefree, but i don't think so..heh).
Blogging takes the heavy weight in my brain off. When i type, i just imagined these 'cancer' that engulfing my brain n heart passed through my finger n land on this screen. I just blabber what ever I want. I don't care if people wanna read or not. Blog is just a place for me to let go what inside of me that sometimes i wish i can shout out loud. Doing so made me less stress. If people want to be judgmental about it. Go ahead, I don't have the right to stop you. If after you read my blog, ur perception towards me changed..I regret nothing, cuz this is who i am. I may look and act like kid; in fact I can think logically better than a 30 yr old.
Now my post are getting even more random. Every paragraph doesn't sync anymore. oh well, what ever.
Another thing that I do not understand. Why on earth do some numb nuts love to make me angry n fed up? Are they a masochist? do they like me cursed at them and being mean? stop making me becoming meaner every moment. Don't built up more tension that will make me make u cry like an idiot....
Haaaah, human...grow up! i think i better sleep.
Feb 12, 2013
I have lots to write but i'll save it for other time. Today's post i would like to quote from some quotes that i love and some are from my own thoughts.
"One's real life is often the life that one does not lead" - Oscar Wilde
Stand up again every time you fall just like you did when you were a baby, eventually you'll b
able to jump & run - Myself
"The deadliest poison is..the human heart" - a script in movie The Banquet
As you like it- William Shakespeare's play
Everything in the world is a game.Thinking you've lost... Giving up in the middle... is stupid.The one who lasts till the end whilst enjoying the game is the winner.That's probably the rule of this world.Things like eating together and having fun together, seeing things together, and thinking; "I'll never forget this moment!", Or laughing like crazy...are what we want the most.Sometimes we get worried, and thinking you wanna be with your friends,family and lover. It's simple; happy things that are important. -I forgot what japanese series this was from.
I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it. Audrey Hepburn
We listen but we don't speculate unnecessarily- Myself
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
C. S. Lewis
C. S. Lewis
Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan
Michael Jordan
Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.
Jim Rohn
Jim Rohn
Oscar Wilde
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -Buddha
True love begins with a little sparks and the fire ignite. Then it turns to be an unquenchable ardour. - Myself
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
Oscar Wilde
And my all time favourite; Sun-Tzu.
Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?
If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.
You have to believe in yourself.
The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer
A leader leads by example, not by force
Anger may in time change to gladness; vexation may be succeeded by content.
But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life.
But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life.
Jan 31, 2013
I always listen to John Denver since small with dad. My favourite songs are Perhaps Love, Annie's song and Leaving on a jet plane.
I thank you Allah for giving me the best of parents. Who love me tenderly and so much more where words can't describe how wonderful they are.
I dedicate this lovely songs to my parents:
Our parents might had hurt us deeply or not but they are still our parents. Have we forgotten the sacrifices they made for us? We became who we are right now because of who? I too, hurts my parents in many ways..and I'm ashamed of myself. I hope they'd forgive me and never hate me. In fact they forgave my silly mistakes and love me nonetheless. I love them so much that it scared me to think if one day they'd leave me. Sometimes i wish time would stop and let this blissful feeling stay forever.
I once asked my dad, in his eyes how old am i? He smile and answered; three years old. I was crying inside at that moment.
I may have fought and jokes a lot with mama because I wanted her to laugh and let go of her frustration. She's the reason I've become a wonderful woman now. She supported me in many ways. Even though her words and actions hurt me sometimes but that's how it's supposed to be.
Who else in this world that could say everything straight to our face and never act hypocrite towards us other than our parents?
I may be stubborn I may be spoilt but for them I am willing to sacrifice myself, my time and my world. :)
Who would willingly stayed up late at night to beat all the mosquitoes that swarming around us while we're sleeping? It's our father
Who would sacrifice 9 months and 20 years more of her life dearly taking care of a child? Day or night she would make sure that we are fine? It's our mother.
All in all, when we're older and get married. We became so rude to our parents...even to visit their own children needs permission..goodness gracious please repent if u do this to your parents.
Is it a satisfaction seeing you parents in troubles and griefs?
I may not have lots of money or properties or my own family. But if one day i have all of this I won't (in god's will) abandoned and make my parents cry. Do you think by giving them money it means you can overthrown them? Ask Allah for forgiveness now.
The bottom line is..don't regret when it's too late and remember. You WILL BE a parent later on.
Nauzubillah min zalik / "May Allah protect us from that"
Here's a song for the sensitive people out there to cry n go call/hug/kiss ur parents now:
Jan 22, 2013
People talk bout politics here n there, some asked me which side will i choose?
IMO who ever rule does not matter, as long as they bring benefits to the citizen and the country. We pay taxes, we do business and we did so many thing to developed our country. If you said because of the 'authority' that our country flourish. True, they set the system but who was the one that made it works? Of course it's us; the citizen. In the ant colony, the Queen started first by building her own nest and take care of her first batch of 'babies' who later on will continue to expand and serve the colony for the next 20 years or so. Without her workers she can't go on living and expand her colony. It's the same as us; without employees a company can't run. Take away the mail boy; who will distribute our mails? Without us and our unity what will happen to this country? Don't we deserve some benefits from the land that we dying-ly build?
Do you think I will choose the ruler who gives shits to his/her citizens? You might be retarded if you do so.
I do not 'hail' or 'worshiped' anyone except my god. Religions and politics issues are two different matter. Since our country are made off zillions of religion practices, you can't oppress one another. Religions are sensitive issues and people have their own believes. IMO whatever religions you want to believe in is totally your choice, as long as you do not touch the boundaries and do not ridicule others believe.
We send our kids to school until they graduated and filled them with mass knowledge. Yet some of our mentally numbness person tried to brainwash them and some try to pull them into an idiotic movements. At the end of the day people call these children 'ungrateful'..who the hell can stand this kind of idio-cracy? That's why they left this country..
For the Bumis & Malays, the system that had been established to give priority & specialty for them were taken for granted. What's more do you want from the authority? In fact they divided themselves and mocked each other. Can't you sit down and think for a while where else in this world you can go and find this kind of privileged? When everybody unite and stand corrected, imagine the goodness that our children's children's children will benefit. If we keep on doing what we're doing right now; our believes and customs will be thrown down to the deepest pit.
In simple words; use your brain which is in your skull not the one u're sitting on.
Jan 9, 2013
Last sunday, i found a very cute kitten near the shop mum n i always go..unfortunately he has umbilical hernia and the organ is already out of the skin. It's dangling under his small tummy. We took him home and feed him. I make sure he's fine and safe from any dangerous stuff. I clean the cat's house everyday. We went to the vet and it cost 400-500RM to do the surgery. That left me with no choice but hope he will live ling enough or die painlessly.
Babu (my white fat cat), was a little jealous with this new member while domo (d black one) became more attached to me. Babu won't let me scratch him as he always want before he goes to sleep. But i still catch him n give him a bear hug! :3
The shop are progressing very well, as expected everything will be done by February. huuuu~~ i have nothing to do at hooome~~ hehe
another update, hmm as usual, I'm so disappointed again. for how many times i don't even know.
I had quite a long chat with dad a while ago. The matter of me getting married someday is always included in our chit chat. haha. I don't feel like doing so, anymore.............my lips n brain say so, but my heart denying..
what's wrong with me?
Anyway, who ever will be my husband or my in-laws; if u gained my dad's trust which is quite hard, u're one lucky guy cuz he will love u very much. If u're one of 'take everything for granted guy', i hope u die in the darkest pit. I hope I'll fine a good guy who can lead me in this world n hereafter. I also wish that he appreciate my very existence in his life and didn't put me 2nd to another girl other than his mother.
-I believe if it's not meant to be, they are something great awaits you-
Babu (my white fat cat), was a little jealous with this new member while domo (d black one) became more attached to me. Babu won't let me scratch him as he always want before he goes to sleep. But i still catch him n give him a bear hug! :3
The shop are progressing very well, as expected everything will be done by February. huuuu~~ i have nothing to do at hooome~~ hehe
another update, hmm as usual, I'm so disappointed again. for how many times i don't even know.
I had quite a long chat with dad a while ago. The matter of me getting married someday is always included in our chit chat. haha. I don't feel like doing so, anymore.............my lips n brain say so, but my heart denying..
what's wrong with me?
Anyway, who ever will be my husband or my in-laws; if u gained my dad's trust which is quite hard, u're one lucky guy cuz he will love u very much. If u're one of 'take everything for granted guy', i hope u die in the darkest pit. I hope I'll fine a good guy who can lead me in this world n hereafter. I also wish that he appreciate my very existence in his life and didn't put me 2nd to another girl other than his mother.
-I believe if it's not meant to be, they are something great awaits you-
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