I am a little dragon

A year gone by and i haven't write anything. I wanted to write many-many things but my fingers always stop halfway. Every post ended up as a draft. 1 year..365 days..feels like nothing. Nothing particularly change, except i moved out from that one place. my life, love life and everything else still on the right timeline where i left them a year and 2 days ago. Lots of events happen and of course none were/are a 'sweet'thing for me. I stopped baking due to some really heart breaking reason and i started sewing. to release my stress and boredom..I made and selling a pacifier clip or binky/soother leash so that baby's pacifier/binky/soother will not fall on the ground or went missing..it was highly in demand but i do not understand why some mothers seem like.."o ok". it is already in front of you and you're not buying it. mine is waaaay cuter than the one in some super branded baby shop which price is double than mine. I just don't get their logic. nevertheless, human are complicated.
enough with ranting. now i'm back to my hometown, well same state different city. Here i am far to the north. I've said goodbye to the central. i don't feel like going back there. hmm. my cats are well and increasing. babu, domo n popo are still alive and kicking. what's more..my sleeping pattern never changed for the past 6 years. still having problems with sleeping early. Mom asked me once whether my head hurts or not when i sleep till past 11am? I didn't answer, just smile. It's better to have headache than staying awake and realised that day to day nothing changed. people keep on hurting my feelings, my luck is still at level zero, my heart is still not fixed, the future kinda foggy. some says i didn't try enough, some says i'm not thankful and some even call me useless. be in my shoes and i bet you will want to jump in front of a truck every second...some says i'm strong and wanted to be as strong as me. no love..don't be like me. :) even the closest lineage sees me as nothing...a void human container. i am thankful because i'm still sane and breathing. despite everything be it past, present or future is continuously pricking my flesh..
maybe i've done many unforgiving deeds that my luck is really bad..maybe i've hurt people badly that i was hurt even worst..if i've ever do so..i'm asking for forgiveness...but as far as i remember i'm not a disrespectful piece of stool. i'm trying to live so please give me some slack.
as considerate and tolerate as i can be...i think that line is as thin as a thread now...
why must it be so complicated...such a tired game.